


Lost

by plainwhiteluke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 05:52:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16867324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainwhiteluke/pseuds/plainwhiteluke
Summary: in which Luke has a daughter named Rory





	Lost

Luke looks up from his guitar at the sound of a familiar little giggle. His eyes land on wild, golden curls bouncing softly as the toddler dangles upside-down from Calum’s arms. Little Rory squeals with laughter as Calum spins her around in his arms and Luke feels his heart clench at the sight. Calum sets Rory down on the floor, her little feet stumbling after Calum as he playfully backs away from her. Rory pouts, her small voice echoing across the stage as she raises her arms to Calum. “Again, Cawum _, again_.”

“You will have to catch me first, kitty.” Calum laughs, using the nickname that has been attached to the toddler ever since she uttered her first word, which to Luke’s dismay was a very distinctive meow and  _not_  the word dad.

Rory giggles as she breathlessly runs towards Michael, colliding into him and wrapping her tiny arms around one of his legs. “Help me, Moochael!”

Luke finds himself staring at the scene. Michael scoops the toddler into his arms, shielding Rory from Calum as his outstretched fingers try to reach her ticklish sides. Rory squirms in Michael’s arms, extremely satisfied that she has managed to capture the attention of two of her uncles.

“What are you thinking of?”

“Hm?” Luke turns his head to the side to where Ashton has appeared. Luke’s eyes darts back to his daughter, her chubby arms now wrapped around Michael’s neck as he whispers something in her ear. “I just… the more Rory develops an actual personality the more I see  _her_.”

Ashton sighs softly, running his fingers through his hair. “I know.”

“I wish she was here to see her grow up.” Luke puts down his guitar. “Rory should have a mom.”

Luke often wondered if it would ever stop hurting. If his heart one day would heal back to the happy state it had once been in. He knew the answer to that, of course. Time made the ache less intense, but once the grief has settled in it won’t ever leave.

The first months were the worst, because it seemed so unreal. One moment you had been there, kissing his lips good morning and bouncing a sleepy Rory on your hip.

_I’ll be back before you know it._

But then when you were supposed to come back you didn’t, and Luke got the scariest phone call of his life. With one-year-old Rory bundled up in his arms he went to your sister’s house, waiting for what he hoped would be a much better phone call.

A phone call came, although it did not contain anything positive. Luke remembers sitting in the living room, watching the closed door to the bedroom with his heart screaming in his chest and Rory snoring in his arms.

No one ever uttered the words  _she’s dead_ , but no one had to. The door to the bedroom had flung open, your sister running outside, a tortured scream erupting from her as she sank to her knees. That was all the confirmation anyone needed.

Luke found himself living on a roller coaster. One day the tears would stream without a stop, another day all he could feel was anger. He found himself reaching for you every time he woke up, grabbing his phone whenever he saw something funny that he knew you’d love.

It took Luke  _weeks_  to be able to even hold Rory again. Her big eyes a copy of yours, always staring into his. He moved in with Ashton for a while, not able to exist alone in the apartment where he had once dreamed about a future with you. Any plans of announcing an upcoming tour and writing sessions for a new album had to be cancelled. Luke couldn’t function, and the boys found themselves worried when they looked at their best friend. Blue eyes dull and without the glittering emotions that would usually shine across Luke’s face like an open book.

“She should have a mom.” Ashton agrees, his voice soft in that way it always is whenever he speaks to Luke about things like this. “But she  _does_  have the best dad in the world, one that will take care of her and give her everything she could ever need.”

“I just…” Luke groans, finding that he needs to look away from Rory, her little face glowing with satisfaction as Calum plants a kiss on her cheek. “She will not  _remember her_. She won’t remember her voice or her laugh or the way her nose would scrunch up whenever she cried.  She won’t remember anything about her own mother,  _and it pains me_ , Ash.”

“I know it does, Lu. I know.” Ashton drops a hand on his shoulder, sighing. “But she will hear every story and every memory we have of her. She will see videos and pictures and she will know how much her mother loved her. We’re going to make sure of that.”

“I just don’t want to fuck her up. I want her to be happy and I’m…” Luke swallows, the familiar feeling of tears welling up in his throat appearing. “I’m afraid I’ll always feel this lost without Y/N. I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up everything and ruin everything for Rory.”

“The pain will never go away, Luke. You loved her, it’s always going to hurt.” Ashton looks at Luke, eyes filled with all the big brother-concern he feels for Luke. “But it will hurt less, and it won’t be as intensely of a grief. And you won’t feel lost forever. You might not realize it yourself, but you’ve come miles from where you were two years ago. You’ll be fine, and so will Rory.”

“Thank you.” Luke’s voice drops to a whisper, afraid that it might break if he speaks any louder.

“Daddy!” Rory’s voice slices through the bubble Luke has found himself in with Ashton. He looks to the side and watches as Rory squirms away from Calum, her little legs now carrying her towards him.

Luke bends down, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he watches Rory. Golden curls  _wild_  and cheeks rosy from laughing. She collides into his open arms, her little fists grabbing onto Luke’s t-shirt for dear life. “What is it, baby girl?”

“Cawum’s gonna get me!” She shrieks with giggles, struggling to climb up on Luke’s lap, pulling hard at his t-shirt where her fists refuse to let go.

“Calum’s going to get you? _Oh no._  I better save you, then.” Luke scoops Rory up in his arms, standing up with her on his hip. “He won’t be able to tickle you all the way up here.”

“ _Kitty_!” Calum groans, pushing his bottom lip out in a playful pout as he stops in front of Luke, hands on his hips. “How am I supposed to tickle you now?”

Rory giggles, pushing out her own bottom lip the way her uncles have taught her to. Then her little head drops to her dad’s shoulder, a big yawn erupting from her.

“Are you sleepy, baby?” Luke runs his fingers through her curls, his cheek pressed against the top of her head.

At that, Rory’s eyes open wide and she squirms in Luke’s arms. “No! I’m not sleepy!”

But Luke knows his daughter, and her blue eyes tell a different story.

“I think you are, silly.” Luke pokes her in the stomach, earning a soft giggle. “Everyone’s going to nap, baby. Otherwise, we won’t have the energy to play.”

Rory stares at her father in disbelief, brows furrowing as she thinks hard. “We can’t play?”

“Not without a nap. Look at uncle Cal, Ash and Mikey.” Luke gestures to the boys, and without having to ask they all yawn, stretching out their arms as if they are tired. “They’re really tired. They won’t be able to play without a nap.”

“Okay.” Rory finally nods, accepting her fate with the knowledge she will be able to play even more afterwards. But then she looks up at Luke, raising her little hand to his face, her palm softly patting Luke’s scruffy cheek. “Daddy sleepy too?”

Luke feels his heart warm at the little touch, his lips stretching out in a fond smile at his daughter. “Yes, Daddy will nap with you.”

Rory seems satisfied with the answer as she once again puts her head on his shoulder, her eyes struggling to stay open. Luke squeezes her closer in his arms as if trying to protect her from the world with his arms wrapped around her.

He wishes more than anything you’d be here with him, spoiling the little girl with unconditional love. But you can’t. And so Luke closes his eyes, promising himself that he will do whatever it takes to fill Rory’s life with as much love a little girl could ever need.

Luke walks towards the green room, Rory safely wrapped up against his chest. He drops his lips to the top of her head, his nose in her soft curls as he leaves a kiss on her forehead. “I love you, baby girl.”


End file.
